Heard Of This Condition?

You know how you wake up at 3:00 a.m. the night before a big meeting and sit straight up thinking that you overslept for a whole day and missed it? This happens to me every time before a trip, a presentation, an interview, my wedding,…you name it. I swear that every grey hair that is cleverly camouflaged with Clairol Dark Brown 22, is a result of ATSU, Afraid-To-Screw-Up syndrome.

I have suffered from ATSU syndrome all of my life. It is known to mostly afflict first-borns. People with ATSU syndrome have short-term episodes of odd behavior similar to that shown by people who have taken more than the recommended dose of No-Dose. The person may appear indecisive, make absurd statements, and report sensing that they have forgotten something but don’t know what it is. A classic symptom of ATSU syndrome is pesadilli (related to pesadillas, Spanish for nightmares). This is when the person experiences highly realistic dreams of the worst possible outcome. Some report waking up with sweaty palms, gasping for air, and interrupted heart beats. In addition, a person with this condition may report short-term memory problems and must check their purse, bags, or vehicle at least three times to ensure they have their keys, metro card, shoes, USB drive, and wallet before they pull out of the driveway. Underestimation of how well they are prepared for a particular event is common.

My ATSU symptoms became quite noticeable at around puberty, particularly when I took exams in school. Before each test, I would have a pesadillus and dream that my school had moved and I could not find the classroom. This genre of pasadilli repeated all throughout high school and college, and it still flares up every now and then. My particular condition worsened after one very real, unforgettable screw up. This happened in my junior year in college when I had to present my semester-long research and paper to the class. One day before my presentation, I was reviewing my slides when the phone rang. I was surprised to hear the professor’s voice on the line asking me if I was okay. For a moment, I thought, how thoughtful of him to check in on me before my presentation. Then he said something that made me want the earth to open wide and swallow me whole. He said, “Your presentation time was yesterday and when you didn’t show up we thought it was you who had been in an accident.” Apparently, someone had called to say they had been in an accident, but did not leave their name. One my pesadilli had actually come true! Apparently, I had written down the wrong date. AAAAAAAAHHHH! Fortunately, the professor was willing to give me a second chance. Since my classmates were all gone, he would just round up all of the biology professors that afternoon so that I could present to them. AAAAAAAHHH!

I have learned to manage my condition. And, I believe that something good has come of it. Though the horrible scenarios my mind conjures up, have only come true on a couple of occasions (did I mention the time I forgot to pack underwear?), they have served to keep me on my toes. Though I may be a bit sleep deprived, at the very least I know to show up on time. For example, I always get to the airport two hours before a domestic flight; in hotels I set my phone’s alarm, the bedside alarm clock and the wake-up service. This week, the night before a very important meeting, I had another pesadillus. I dreamt that I had woken up three hours late because the power had gone out in the middle of the night. Thankfully, I also set a battery-operated alarm clock, so I could go right back to sleep.

People who suffer from ATSU syndrome can lead very normal lives, especially if we learn to accept that we are not perfect, and that most screw-up situations, those we dream of and the ones in reality, are not life-threatening, and at the very worst, the biggest threat we face is a bruised ego.

If you show symptoms of ATSU, please let me know. Maybe we can start a support group?

Much Love