Listen, there comes a point in a relationship when you just can’t ignore the signs that it’s time to end it. This is the time. My happiness and love have been tainted by the disappointment and pain you have caused. I won’t allow you to hurt me anymore and so we’re breaking up. Let me be clear, this is not an easy decision for me. If I’m being honest, there is a part of me that hopes that this is just a temporary break up, and that we will find a way to get back together. But, all my friends are telling me that this is for the best, that I cannot ignore the pain you have caused, and that I should say goodbye for good.
How could this have happened? Our relationship seemed perfect. For so many years, you have been the constant in my life. You were always there for me when I needed you the most. You made every birthday, celebration and holiday special. I loved our weekends when it was just you and I in the kitchen. We created some wonderful magic. I will miss that, oh my God, I don’t know how I will go on! Oh Gluten, why does it have to be this way??
But, our break up is for the best. I have to be strong, not just for myself, but for my vulnerable and innocent digestive tract. I put up with what you did to my skin, but I draw the line when it comes to my poor tummy. How could you be so cruel? It was easy to trust you because you always knew how to make me happy, at every meal, and every snack in between. Now, I am just angry that you could turn on me like this.
That’s it. I want every trace of you out of my house. Girls Scout cookies, crackers, newly opened cereal, oatmeal, that 5-lb. bag of flour, it all has to go. No, don’t try to play the victim and say that it’s my fault. I know that it’s really the age thing – you think I’m getting too old for you. Hah! Well, there’s plenty many more fish in the sea, like rice flour, brown rice bread, and corn. You know, I’ve had a thing for corn all these years. Now, I can take my flirtation with corn to a whole new level. So bye, bye Mr.Wheat, Barley, Smelt, or whatever alias you’re using these days. Who needs you?!
Friends, as triumphant as I feel right now, I know what’s coming. At the end of all long-term relationships there is a period of adjustment that includes feeling really bummed. I know I will feel depressed, and even blame myself. Worst of all, I will have to face Gluten at every turn – at every restaurant and supermarket, in almost every food label – I will be reminded of what we used to have and can no longer be. Perhaps the most difficult challenge will be to smell that aroma that used to drive me wild.
If you know of any support groups that will help me stay strong and make this break up with Gluten permanent, please do pass them along.
Devastatedly Yours & Much Love,